What Midlife Women with ADHD Need to Stop Waiting For
I'm 57, menopausal (well, technically not yet, IYKYK), and I have ADHD. And I need to tell you something that might be hard to hear as we close out 2025:
Nobody is coming to rescue you.
Not your partner. Not your kids once they're more independent. Not some future version of yourself who suddenly has it all together. Not a magic pill or perfect planner or life-changing app.
I know that's not what you want to hear. Especially now, when the world feels like it's moving too fast, when you're forgetting more, when you can't keep up with the dishes and the pet care and the organizing and the purging and all of it.
But here's what I've learned, both personally and from working with women just like us: waiting to be taken care of is keeping you stuck.
The Truth About Overwhelm
You know the cycle. You try to be perfect. You fail. You give up. You feel worthless. And then it comes out sideways - at your partner or your kids, even though they might not even be thinking what you assume they're thinking about those dishes still in the sink.
The guilt. The RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Disorder). The frustration at yourself. The assuming your partner is disappointed when maybe they're not, or maybe they are but you're both just exhausted and nobody knows how to talk about it.
And underneath it all? The fear that with menopause, with aging, with everything changing in healthcare and technology and the world moving so damn fast - that your ADHD is going to get worse. That your skills can't keep up.
What Actually Needs to Happen
I'm not going to sugarcoat this. If things are going to change, you have to face the lifestyle changes. The sleep. The medication conversation (yes, that one). The nutrition. The supplements. The things that actually matter for your brain.
And here's the other piece nobody wants to hear: you have to stop doing it all alone.
That means delegating without the guilt. That means not assuming your partner is judging you. That means getting out of your comfort zone and not isolating. That means asking - whether it's close family, second cousins, fellow parents, local ADHD groups, or yes, even a coach to help you organize the stuff.
Because here's what I know for sure: your brain CAN learn new things. Even at 57. Even menopausal. Even forgetful. Even overwhelmed. Even with that tendency to do what feels good in the moment.
What's Coming
On January 1st, I'm going to talk about what to actually DO with all of this. Because January isn't the month to get it all done and planned for the year. January is your “building” month.
But today? Today I just need you to stop waiting.
Stop waiting to be rescued. Stop waiting for permission. Stop waiting until you're less overwhelmed to ask for help.
The world isn't slowing down. Your ADHD isn't going away. But you're not broken, and you're not alone.
See you in 2026.
Cynthia Djengue is a therapist and ADHD coach specializing in relationships, attachment, and midlife women with ADHD.
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