January is Your Building Month (Not Your 'Get It All Together' Month)

Welcome to 2026.

If you read my last post on December 30th, you know I said nobody is coming to rescue you. That the waiting has to stop.

And if you're anything like me - and like the women I work with - your ADHD brain immediately went to: "Okay, so I need to fix EVERYTHING. Right now. By February."

No. That's not what I said.

January is not the month to get it all done and planned for the year. January is your building month.

What Building Actually Looks Like

Here's the truth: your brain CAN be trained. Even if you're menopausal. Even if you're forgetful. Even if you're overwhelmed. Even with that tendency to do what feels good in the moment instead of what needs to get done.

Recent research on ADHD and the reward system shows us something important - it's not that we can't learn or change, it's that our brains need different conditions to do it. We need structure that works WITH our neurology, not against it.

But building that structure? It doesn't happen in one dramatic New Year's transformation.

It happens in small, sustainable changes. And January is where you start laying the foundation.

The Four Building Blocks

1. Lifestyle Changes (Yes, the Boring Ones)

I know you don't want to hear about sleep and nutrition and medication and supplements. I know it feels like one more thing on the endless list.

But these aren't optional if you want your brain to function. These are the foundation everything else sits on.

Pick ONE:

• Talk to your doctor about medication or adjusting your current dose

• Set a consistent bedtime (even if it's "messy" at first)

• Add one supplement that actually has research behind it for ADHD

• Eliminate the one food that makes your brain fog worse

One. Not all four. One.

2. Delegation Without Guilt

Remember that cycle? Overwhelm → trying to be perfect → failing → giving up → feeling worthless → taking it out on your partner because of RSD and guilt?

Here's where it breaks: delegation.

You're not doing anyone any favors by doing it all and then resenting everyone. Your partner might not even be thinking what you think they're thinking about those dishes or the pet care or the organizing that didn't happen.

This month, practice saying:

• "Can you handle dinner Tuesday and Thursday?"

• "I need help with [specific task], can you do it or should we hire someone?"

• "I'm overwhelmed and I need to drop something - what can come off my plate?"

Not "I'm sorry I'm such a mess." Not explaining or justifying. Just asking.

3. Getting Out of Isolation

You cannot do this alone. And I know that's hard because getting out of your comfort zone when you're already overwhelmed feels impossible.

But isolation makes everything worse.

This month:

• Find one local ADHD group (they exist, I promise)

• Reach out to one friend or family member you've been avoiding

• Consider a coach or therapist who actually understands ADHD (not someone who's going to tell you to "just use a planner")

• Join an online community of people who get it

Speaking of which - I'm starting a Wise Women with ADHD group on January 28th at 12pm. If you're tired of trying to figure this out alone, this might be for you. [Link to more info]

4. Using Tools That Actually Help

AI can help a little. Apps can help. Technology isn't the enemy - it's just not the savior either.

The key is finding the ones that work for YOUR brain, not the ones that work for neurotypical productivity gurus.

(Side note: I'm planning a blog post soon about the best apps for ADHD - stay tuned.)

But here's the thing: no app will fix the underlying issue of trying to do it all yourself, staying up until 2-3am hyperfocusing on projects, binge eating for energy, scrolling for ideas and getting stuck on your phone, or multitasking - watching TV, phone scrolling, listening to a podcast or course, and trying to write that email all at once. (Yes, I see you.)

What About the Big Scary Stuff?

I know. The current administration. Changes in healthcare. Medications becoming harder to access. Technology moving faster than you can keep up.

On a macro level, it feels like our skills can't keep up.

But here's the fact: yes, they can.

Your brain can learn new things. The problem isn't your capacity - it's the reward system, the dopamine-seeking, the way ADHD brains are wired to need different conditions to learn and grow.

You're not broken. You're not falling behind. You're working with a brain that needs a different approach.

And that approach? It starts with building. One small thing at a time.

Your January Assignment

Pick ONE thing from this post. Not four. One.

Build that foundation this month. We'll add to it in February.

This isn't about perfection. It's about progress. It's about stopping the waiting and starting the building.

You've got this.

Welcome to 2026, Wise Women of ADHD with Cynthia Djengue, LCSW

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Cynthia Djengue is a therapist and ADHD coach specializing in relationships, attachment, and midlife women with ADHD. Her Wise Women with ADHD group launches January 28, 2026.